“The talk” is a popular subject in books, television shows, and movies, so most children know that a conversation of some sort will be had with their parents about sensitive topics like puberty and sexuality. While this talk is often referred to in the singular, it’s best to have several conversations with your children about these topics to keep the lines of communication open and provide them with plenty of opportunities to ask you questions throughout adolescence.
By the time they approach adolescence, most children will have picked up a lot of information from other kids at school and from the shows they’ve watched and the books they’ve read. Most children even get some form of sex education as a part of their school curriculum. Parents must ensure that their children have accurate information while making it clear that it’s safe for them to ask you questions about the changes they are experiencing. Clear, thorough communication will help ensure your child is prepared for puberty.
Having Age-Appropriate Discussions Before Puberty Begins
It’s best to begin talking about puberty before your child reaches adolescence and begins noticing changes. Otherwise, these changes could be frightening or confusing for your child. For girls, puberty can begin as early as age eight, and it can begin as early as age nine for boys.
When talking with your child about puberty, you should be sure to explain it is most important to describe and explain the changes they can expect. This includes talking about weight and height changes, new hair growth, acne, and mood changes. Girls should also learn about breast and hip development, the menstrual cycle, and menstruation. Boys should learn about voice changes, genital growth, and chest tenderness.
You can also talk with girls about the changes boys go through and explain to boys the changes that girls go through. This will help them understand that they are not alone and that the often-awkward-feeling changes they experience during puberty are completely normal and experienced by every growing and maturing child.
While you can keep conversations age-appropriate, you should always use the proper terminology for anatomy and the physical changes that your child will experience. Using euphemisms for body parts can make it seem like these words are inappropriate or off-limits when these terms are actually the most appropriate words to use. Additionally, describing physical changes, bodily functions, and reproductive health with metaphors can be confusing. If you need to review the physical processes that occur during puberty, then be sure to refresh your memory before initiating these conversations with your child so you will be prepared to answer questions.
Addressing Emotions and Consent During Puberty Talks
In addition to talking about physical changes, make time during your conversations to talk with your child about other issues that arise during puberty.
This can include talking about:
- Changing emotions and how hormones can impact their mood
- Body image and how puberty can impact the way children see themselves
- How they can behave compassionately and respectfully toward their peers who might be changing at a different rate or on a different schedule
- Sexual attraction and romantic feelings
- Setting age-appropriate dating and relationship rules and boundaries
- The definition and importance of consent
- Model consent by respecting your child’s bodily autonomy (i.e. ask if it’s okay to give them a hug, etc.)
As every adult remembers, adolescence is one of the most challenging developmental stages in life. Work with your child to keep lines of communication open. Remember that listening is often more important than talking during “the talk.”
Do your best to stay calm and collected during these conversations – even if they feel uncomfortable – because it will help your child feel safe coming to you to talk about their feelings. You can also share your own experiences and memories from puberty, and provide your child with strategies to cope with the changes they are experiencing and the challenges they are encountering.
Professional Guidance on Puberty Discussions From Our Pediatricians
Parenting is the most challenging and rewarding job you will ever do, and our pediatricians are here to help you through every stage of your child’s development, including puberty and adolescence.
If you are unsure when the right time is to start discussing puberty with your child or if you would like guidance regarding the kinds of topics that these conversations can include, we encourage you to talk with our pediatricians. We even welcome conversations and questions about puberty during your child’s routine wellness and preventative care appointments. We are here for you and your child, and we will be happy to help you start these discussions in a safe, clinical setting with a trusted healthcare provider.
Contact us today to learn more about the changes your child will undergo during puberty and to start the conversation with your child.