Parenting toddlers and preschool-aged children can sometimes feel like riding a rollercoaster, with your child oscillating between demanding that they can “do it themself” and clinging to you. Your child has an instinct for developing independence, but they also like to flex their independence muscles while knowing you’re nearby, just in case they need to retreat to the safety and reassurance you represent. (This pattern is especially true of children who have developed a secure attachment with their primary caregivers during infancy.)
While you might be ready for your child to take on new challenges or the idea of your child growing up might scare you, parents must continue creating a sense of safety for their preschoolers while encouraging them to develop increasing independence.
The Importance of Independence in Early Childhood
Once an infant has developed enough not to be completely reliant on his or her caregivers 100% of the time, they are old enough to start learning a little independence. As children become toddlers and approach preschool age, strengthening their independence becomes increasingly important.
In early childhood, independence helps to foster:
- Confidence, perseverance, and resilience
- Patience
- Critical thinking and problem-solving skills
- Social skills
Independence also encourages curiosity and exploration, helping children learn how to navigate the world, ask questions, and make decisions. Becoming independent provides young children with a sense of accomplishment, ownership of their environment, and an increased feeling of agency.
As children increasingly exercise their independence and find their parents waiting and watching for them at the edge of the playground or the end of their day at preschool, their secure attachment and confidence in their caregivers also strengthen.
Simple Ways to Encourage Independence in Kids
The following are some tips and suggestions to help encourage and foster independence in your preschooler:
- Don’t Do Things for Them That They Can Do for Themselves – This tip takes a lot of patience because parents can accomplish tasks and solve problems much more quickly than their toddlers can. However, if your child is able to do something, then let them do it themselves. This demonstrates your confidence in their abilities and also helps them practice and continue developing their skills. Stand by to provide encouragement, hints (when needed), and lots of praise when they accomplish a task or solve a problem on their own.
- Give Them Responsibilities – Involve your children in household work, such as cooking, cleaning, and grocery shopping. Assign them age-appropriate tasks. Consider giving your child daily chores like putting away their toys and tossing their laundry in a basket.
- Let Them Take Healthy Risks – Some situations are flat-out dangerous, and parents shouldn’t compromise in those areas in the name of independence. However, some situations, like learning to ride a bicycle or jumping on a trampoline, only pose moderate risks that can be mitigated through explanation, safety gear, and rules.
- Let Them Make Mistakes – Everyone makes mistakes; it’s part of learning, and it’s necessary for eventual success. Praise your child’s effort in trying and ask them questions about what they think went wrong, so they have the opportunity to solve their own problems and try again with confidence.
- Encourage Independent Play – Preschoolers almost always want someone to play with them, but independent play is really good for your child’s development, imagination, their ability to focus, exploration, and problem-solving skills. Choose age-appropriate toys that can be played with in lots of different ways (stuffed animals, blocks, figurines, dolls, and balls). Start with five minutes of independent play and extend it a little bit every few days.
How Routines and Choices Impact Early Childhood Independence
Increasingly involving children in their routines and providing them with choices to make will help them gradually increase their independence.
Build routines (not the same thing as schedules) into your child’s days, for example, brushing their teeth, feeding the dog, or going outside for a walk. Each of these activities involves its own set of steps, such as checking the weather and putting on a coat and shoes before leaving the house. Children experience each of these routines repeatedly, and they learn the steps. Actively involve them by having them find their own coat and shoes. Practice patience while they learn to zip their zippers, button their buttons, and tie their laces. This shows them you are confident in their abilities.
Additionally, you can further involve your children in the ins and outs of daily life by providing them with choices. For example, give them a few suggestions of what they could wear, what they might have for a snack, or what game they could play. Be sure to praise them for their ability to make choices.
Balancing Support With Freedom
While helping your children become increasingly independent, be there to support them, praise them, and reassure them when they fail or things get scary.
Also, set clear boundaries and expectations. Encouraging your child to exercise independence is great, but your child won’t understand how to be independent if you don’t provide them with clear boundaries. Examples can include letting your child play at the park, but telling them they need to stay where they can see you, or letting your child choose to sleep in, understanding the consequences that they might not be able to participate in an activity they had planned for the morning.
Support Your Child’s Development With Professional Guidance
Our pediatricians at Children’s Wellness Center are here to support you and your child throughout their growth and development. If you have any questions about helping your child develop their independence, we encourage you to contact us.