For toddlers, emotional security consists of feeling loved, accepted, and safe to explore the world. It means that, although they might not be able to put it into words, they know, on a deep level, that their caregivers will reliably be there to meet their needs, support their feelings, and keep them safe.
By understanding emotional development and parental roles, parents and caregivers can learn to recognize and actively build emotional security in toddlers, helping to buffer physical and emotional stress responses, support healthy brain development, resilience, positive relationships, and confidence in their children.
What Emotional Security in Toddlers Looks Like
Caregivers can recognize emotional security in toddlers by looking for signs such as:
- Returning to their caregiver for comfort and support during times of uncertainty or distress
- Enthusiastically greets caregivers after separation
- Feels comfortable with strangers but prefers their primary caregiver
- Curiosity about the world and confident exploration of new environments, people, and toys
- Fully expressing emotions — even big feelings like anger, joy, and sadness
- Resiliently bounces back from challenges
- Tests limits and a caregiver’s boundaries for consistency
Generally, emotionally secure toddlers are happy, show empathy, and learn to communicate and regulate their emotions.
Toddlers who do not feel emotionally secure or who have an insecure attachment style might:
- Be either clingy or overly avoidant
- Rarely seek comfort
- Struggle to regulate emotions, having tantrums or shutting down
- Lack a preference for a caregiver or be indifferent toward caregivers
- Have difficulty playing with peers
- Exhibit aggression
Strategies for Building Emotional Security and Emotional Development in Toddlers
Emotional security is rooted in healthy, secure attachments that begin forming as soon as a baby is born and their parent responds to their cries. As children grow, develop communication skills, and experience an expanding world, parents can continue supporting feelings of emotional security in their toddlers in a variety of ways that extend beyond simply responding to a child’s cries.
Parents can support emotional security in toddlers by providing consistency and safety, helping them learn to navigate their emotions and regulate their behaviors, and by fostering strong, reliable bonds with their children.
Create a Safe Environment
A safe environment that fosters emotional security in toddlers should be physically safe for their exploration and also marked by clear and consistent boundaries. While toddlers love to push up against rules and test their boundaries, they do this as a way to reassure themselves by learning where their caregivers’ limits are and reaffirming that limits (i.e., protections) do exist.
Understand the Role of Consistency and Routine
Consistency and routine in almost everything (i.e, environment, caregivers, daily schedules, and responses) provide predictability for toddlers, and this helps to reduce anxiety and build emotional security.
A stable, predictable environment and schedule help toddlers trust their caregivers, as repeated interactions help children understand that their needs will be reliably met. Additionally, predictable routines and consistency also foster independence and confidence, as toddlers begin to master simple steps in their daily routines (like washing their hands after coming home or changing into their pajamas before bed).
To create consistency, parents can strive to:
- Stick to consistent meal and snack times
- Create a calm, comforting, and predictable bedtime and bedtime routine (i.e., taking a bath, brushing teeth, reading a story, singing a song, etc.)
- Follow regular transition rituals, such as putting on coats before going outside or putting away toys before ending playtime
While consistency and routine are important, they do not have to be rigid and inflexible. Caregivers should reliably create consistency with routines that anchor children within the sometimes chaotic reality of everyday life. Including some flexibility creates space for toddlers to learn about making choices and developing comfort with mild uncertainty.
The Importance of Supporting Emotions Through Transitions
Navigating transitions (big or small) is among the most common challenges for parents with toddlers, and these overwhelming moments can often result in undesirable behaviors like tantrums, whining, and defiance. However, parents should view these difficult moments as opportunities to foster emotional development and build emotional security in their toddlers.
To use these moments to support emotional security and development, parents should:
- Prepare children for transitions
- Provide advance warnings and countdown timers
- Draw pictures or use schedule charts
- Act out transitions with toys
- Rely on routines to help turn daily transitions into habits
- Support children during transitions
- Stay calm to set an example and co-regulate their emotions
- Acknowledge and validate their feelings
- Offer choices to provide a sense of control
- Use music to signal a transition, transforming it into a moment of play
- Offer a comfort object (i.e., a blanket or stuffed animal)
- Take deep breaths or squeeze their hands to provide physical comfort
- Reinforce positive behavior after the transition
- Praise good action
- Talk about feelings
- Be empathetic
Professional Support for Every Developmental Stage
At Children’s Wellness Center, our pediatricians are here to support you and your child through every developmental stage with expertise on your child’s health, wellness, and physical, cognitive, and emotional development. If you have any questions about emotional security in toddlers or your child’s emotional development, we encourage you to contact us.
