Adolescence is a pivotal period for developing social skills and forming meaningful relationships with peers. It can also be one of the most challenging times in children’s and their parents’ lives. As teens navigate new independence, shifting identities, and increased social expectations, they begin to shape how they communicate, connect, and resolve differences. Forming successful peer relationships in teens helps to build a foundation for strong relationships in adulthood.
For parents and caregivers, it’s important to understand the importance of social experiences during the teenage years while offering support and guidance.
What to Expect With Peer Relationships in Teens: Social Milestones by Age
During adolescence, which can begin as early as around age nine, children reach more complex social milestones, as they become young adults with their focus beginning to shift from their family to their peers. They develop independence, explore their identities, and are challenged to navigate complex emotions inside their changing bodies.
Tweens (Ages Nine to 12)
During these years, children begin to increase their focus on peer friendships, group activities, and social acceptance. They start developing strong opinions and trying out new styles while exploring their identity. Their independence and desire for autonomy also begin to grow, as they start challenging rules. They tend to experience moodiness and increased sensitivity to criticism.
Early to Mid-Teens (Ages 12 to 15)
During these years, when children are often transitioning from middle school into high school, adolescents become increasingly susceptible to peer pressure, as they are heavily influenced by their friendships and social groups. They experience an increased interest in romantic relationships, too, as hormones continue to impact mood swings. They continue exploring their sense of self and values, while developing abstract reasoning, logical thinking, and a stronger sense of morals.
Late Teens (Ages 15 to 19)
As teens continue to mature, conflict with their parents tends to relax somewhat, and their peer friendships become increasingly intimate and important. Additionally, they may begin developing more serious romantic bonds. They spend more time thinking about the future, developing a personal worldview, and taking on more responsibility. While they still push boundaries, they experience growing confidence and become less susceptible to peer pressure.
Teen Social Skills: How to Help Kids Handle Conflict
In adolescence, conflict and disagreements can feel overwhelming, and small issues can quickly escalate into major hurdles for teens. Parents can teach children important communication, conflict management, and conflict resolution skills to help them stay calm and learn to resolve disagreements with their peers on their own.
- Practice deep breathing to stay calm.
- Communicate issues using “I” statements, instead of “you” statements (for example, “I feel hurt when…,” instead of, “You always hurt me when…”).
- Teach children to practice active listening without interrupting and to ask clarifying questions to make sure they understand the other person.
- Focus on the problem at hand, and leave past problems to the past.
- Seek solutions like compromise, instead of trying to “win” an argument.
- Know how to recognize when a social situation is unhealthy and let teens know it’s okay to walk away from an argument, friendship, or relationship.
Additionally, it’s important for parents to make sure their children understand that they can’t control the actions and choices of others; they can only know their own emotions and control their own actions, responses, and choices accordingly.
The Importance of Teaching Empathy and Respect
Empathy and respect are a vital foundation for all relationships. These two values improve conflict resolution, foster community with peers, reduce bullying, support academic success, and prepare teens for success in adulthood, as they develop stronger emotional intelligence and an understanding of more diverse perspectives.
Building Confidence in Group Settings
Almost everyone, at every age, experiences some level of social anxiety. However, we can all improve our social skills and strengthen our confidence with a good strategy and lots of practice.
Help your teen build social confidence in group settings by starting small and participating in group activities that they enjoy. For example, attending a teen game night or an art club can help ease the social pressure by helping them find peers with shared interests while providing something positive on which to focus.
Additionally, you can offer your teen ideas for questions to ask members of the new group and remind them to actively listen and ask follow-up questions. This empowers them to help someone else in the group feel comfortable.
Teens should be reminded that everyone is nervous and more concerned about their own behavior and appearance than they are about anyone else’s. Plus, be sure to remind your teen how important it is to be kind to themselves by speaking positively to themselves in their head with self-affirmations.
Professional Support for Social Development and Peer Relationships in Teens
Parenting teenagers can be a major (yet equally rewarding) challenge. For caregivers, it’s important to keep the lines of communication with your teens open — even if they act like they don’t want to talk to you. Knowing that you’re available for answering questions and discussing difficult or sensitive topics (safely without fear of punishment) will help your teenager feel safe and supported.
If serious issues arise or you have concerns about your child’s well-being, we encourage you to contact Children’s Wellness Center for professional guidance to support your child’s development, health, and happiness.
